I have some explaining to do

the past few weeks there has been a lot on my mind. i’ve been trying to get all my mission stuff together, spending time with my family, with my friends, and just trying to do my own thing.
i kept praying and studying my scriptures, obviously, just trying to gain a deeper testimony and more knowledge for myself, and for when i go on my mission. and as i would pray, i would lose myself in my prayers and i would start praying for things that i wasn’t even thinking about. like being a mom, having a family, going to college, getting a job.
i started to get a little freaked out. that isn’t what i was supposed to be worrying about or focusing on.
so, i continued to just push those thoughts out of my head.
i had the typical, “should i go on a mission?” thoughts. but i figured satan was just getting in my head. i went to the temple and just prayed, harder than i ever had before.
Heavenly Father, what is your plan for me? do i go on a mission? or do i stay home, get an education, and prepare to have a family of my own?

i didn’t get my answer that day, but when i opened the scriptures, i opened to two different ones..one was about putting all your trust in The Lord, and the other was Proverbs 31. which just talks about how a woman should be, and what i need to be striving to be.

i kept praying and reading scriptures. then i read my patriarchal blessing…

i got my answer loud and clear. a mission is not in my cards.

i went back to the temple for confirmation of my answer. and i received it.

i had been so excited for my mission! i couldn’t wait to go! i wanted to teach the people of australia all about the gospel and show them the joy that i have been able to feel.

but it isn’t God’s plan for me. and that’s okay.

i don’t know what His plan is for me, but i will know eventually. i don’t need to know right this moment. i just have to trust Him, and i’m trying my best to do that.

i know His plan is going to make me so much happier and that, no matter what anyone thinks, i am doing the right thing.

just because my plan is different, doesn’t make me any less of a person. just because i won’t be serving a mission, does not mean i “just got cold feet,” or that i don’t love my Savior. it simply means i have been sensitive to the spirit, and that i am trying to follow the path that is being laid for me.

i know that i am doing the right thing, and i know it will make me so happy. my plan is special, because it is mine.

i am so excited to find out what is in store for me!



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