the past two weeks have been dragging and draining, to say the least.
I feel like I’m just holding on by a string and at any moment I could snap. it just seems like life is becoming too overwhelming and stressful and I’m not sure how to handle it this time. usually, i can handle it really well, but this time is different.
I have so much homework every day, and the pressure is really on to find a new job and start working a heck of a lot more. I feel like I’m being worked really hard, but I’m not. emotionally, I’m not there at all, and I think that’s the real problem. if I could gather my emotions and just talk about them and figure out what’s going on inside my head, I’ll be much better off.
but I know what the real problem is.. I’m not being the best me I can be. I’m not being as Christlike as I can be, and it needs to change.
there has been so much going on lately and it has been so overwhelming that I don’t really know what to do or how to deal with it. but today I went to a lesson with the sister missionaries, and I prayed before I went to the lesson; so, I could have the spirit, but in the lesson, i wasn’t really there. I was zoning out and I just wasn’t fully there. and after I left I realized that I need to make a big switch. my dad dying has put this black cloud over me, and that’s okay. everyone deals with grief differently. there is no right or wrong way. but that doesn’t give me an excuse not to be doing my daily scripture study and all those things.
I was doing so well with everything and I was so sensitive to the spirit, and it was like a switch went off in me somewhere. but it just turned back on, and on it will stay.
I’m excited to read my scriptures and be sensitive to the spirit again. and I’m so very excited for general conference next month! I really cannot wait. it’s the best ever.