currently – supposed to be writing my humanities essay/project. that just doesn’t seem like it’s going to happen anytime soon. when’s it due? tomorrow in class. will I have time to finish it by then? sure, if I don’t sleep. I have worked at 5; so, I may just skip the sleeping thing tonight. I don’t know why i just can’t seem to focus. oh well.

yesterday was my dad’s birthday. he would have been 65. I woke up at 9 to get ready for my yoga class. it kind of slipped my mind, until I was in the car driving to campus. it takes me about 35 minutes to get there, so that gives me plenty of thinking time. by the time I got there, I was just not very happy. it was the first real event that happened since he has been gone.
and if you’ve ever taken a yoga class, you know that the last 5-10 minutes is just straight meditating and time for deep thought.
my teacher is very spiritual and talks to us during meditation and it just brings out so many emotions. I remember laying on my mat. on my back. arms at my sides. palms up. shoulders down. deep breathing. all these thoughts were popping into my mind and I may have had a few tears roll down my cheeks. I just remember thinking I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t go to my other classes. I couldn’t get through this day. I just had to go home and stay in bed all day. that’s all I could imagine doing. but the word can’t isn’t allowed in yoga either. so I pushed those thoughts out of my mind and started telling myself that I could. I am strong, I can get through this. it’s okay to struggle. it’s going to be hard. I miss him. and it’s hard. there’s nothing that can make it any easier. but that’s okay. it’s okay. I’m allowed to have a hard time.
so all this was going through my mind while I was laying there. then my mind just went blank. I stopped thinking altogether. it was the strongest, most comforting thing ever. I didn’t know what happened but I knew that by telling myself I could do it, I was given the strength to do so.
I went to all my classes, and it wasn’t the easiest day. it was really hard actually. but I got through it.
I went to hamilton’s after and he had freshly baked cookies, one in the shape of a J waiting for me on the counter. he knew it was a hard day and wanted to do what he could to help. anyways, I stayed and had dinner with him and his family, and then we had fhe altogether. I was grumpy and got a little fussy with him during it. but he handled it like a champ, and for that. I am just so grateful.

I feel so blessed for the people I have in my life. my friends are so wonderful to me. they do what they can to make sure I’m okay. hamilton is so great and i feel so blessed to have him. he makes me want to be the best I can be and he really just helps me so much more than he will ever know. and my family. they are my support and I know they are always there for me to lean on. I am so grateful for each person in my life and don’t know what I would do without them!

 I just love him so 🙂

 doesn’t he look like the happiest man you’ve ever met? that’s because he was. always.

and today is my hippie parents anniversary. 36 years. the love they shared was so amazing. it is something I pray to have with the person I marry. they have had some of the hardest trials, but have always put their marriage first and gotten through everything together. they were a single unit and I will always strive to be like them.



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