roses and butterflies

The idea of getting married is wonderful! the thought of sharing your life with someone else is great! it seems like it would or should be a breeze and so simple to merge two lives together!

getting engaged is a huge rush and leaves you completely awestruck! wedding planning..that’s a different story! it really isn’t too bad, there are just so many little details that are easy to forget about. it’s awesome to have someone by my side who can deal with my mood swings and semi bridezilla moments! 
getting married is not a piece of cake, it’s a lot of hard work. trying to figure out things like where to live and, for us, where to go to school, is difficult!
we’ve gone from staying in Orlando, to moving to Idaho, to moving to Utah, to wanting to say “forget it all,” and move to Hawaii, to going back to staying in Orlando, and now we’ve got it down to staying in Florida, but we don’t know where in florida..
and now that we’ve at least got that much figured out, we have to start figuring out our apartment situation…
we’re definitely learning what it takes to be married and happy. there are a few things that have really worked for us so far.
1. communication
this one is really easy for hamilton, not so much for me. he is so honest with how he feels and what he believes will make him happy. I’m honest about those things, but it’s like pulling teeth trying to get it out of me! he’s a trooper, though. he helps me all that he can.
2. weekly date night
Thursday night is date night. it’s the one night a week we have to put our problems and stress aside and focus on each other. sometimes our dates fall through and we settle for just watching some Netflix, which is still just fine! and sometimes work or school gets in the way of our date night, but when that happens we try to reschedule it for another day and if we cant, we try to just watch a movie or do something small.
3. serve each other
hamilton will do anything I ask. he rarely ever complains. I ask for back rubs allllll the time. I ask him to get me water, and he always gets it for me, even if he just sat down and got all comfortable. never a complain. I try to do the same for him. the back scratches, the little errands, and favors. bringing him his keys when he gets locked out of his car. whatever the other person needs, we are always there.
4. love unconditionally and always
this seems easy and like something that should be a given, especially if you’re going to marry this person! but in the heat of a moment or during arguments it can be easy to forget those feelings. if it feels like one is doing more work than the other, then it could get in the way and feelings of resentment and anger and bitterness could start coming up. it’s kind of inevitable that those feelings will come up at some point and that one will do more work than the other at some point in time; but, it’s important to let go of that and go back up to #1 and communicate about how you’re feeling. we don’t expect too much of each other and we don’t have unrealistic expectations (or we’re trying not to).

5. having “safe” words
this may seem kind of silly, but it works. it’s something new that we’re doing. when we’re arguing and things get too heated and we start to speak out of anger, we say our word and we have to stop. it seems like maybe things wont get resolved this way, but it gives us each time to cool down and think rationally again. then we revisit whatever it was we were upset about and try to work it out more calmly.

getting married is wonderful, the idea of it seems perfect, but it isn’t. it can be hard work sometimes. merging together two lives takes a little work and some patience. these things have really been able to help us and i have so much confidence in our relationship. i know that we will argue at times and we will get frustrated but we love each other. we know how we work and we know what we need to do to calm things down and work through the tough times.
there are plenty of roses and butterflies in marriage, there are some storms and clouds, but there is always a rainbow after the rain.
we don’t fight or argue a lot, but after we do and we make up, i always fall even more in love with him.

being engaged is hard because I’m ready to just be married – no other reason. marriage is exciting and I can’t wait to begin this new chapter of my life as a Birkeland!

only 63 more days until eternity!


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