Before we got married we got a TON of different advice! Everyone wanted to tell us what to or not to do, which I feel like that’s pretty normal. I just love hearing what everyone says! We had a box at our wedding where people would write down their advice for us, I really have enjoyed reading all of them.
However, there are a few things that I have learned through this last year and a half. Some of it is the total opposite of what some people told us, and that’s okay! Our relationship is different for everyone else’s. Different things work for us that maybe don’t work for others. I’ve listed my top 5 things that I have learned, some of it was advice and some….was the opposite of the advice we got haha.
1. Stop picking! We don’t need to nag or tear each other down for small things. For example, Hamilton has a habit of leaving his work clothes by the front door and it drives me nuts! I ask him all the time to just put them in the hamper. Sometimes it makes me decently angry just because I always repeat myself, but honestly, those clothes aren’t making me unhappy. The arguing and constant picking is making me unhappy. This isn’t something either of us has perfected, but we have gotten much better at it. We do our best at making a conscious effort to not pick each other apart. We also have gotten really good at calmly letting the other person know when they are picking.
2. Going to bed angry will most likely happen at some point. For us, I am usually the one that stays upset for longer. Hamilton gets over things super fast. Plus once he’s tired and laying in bed, he’ll be out in less than 5 minutes. He wakes up 6:05 every morning so I’m not going to hold it against him if he falls asleep. Besides, half the time we’re both just tired and bickering to bicker, so nothing would ever get resolved.
3. Talk about all the feelings you have, even if the feelings aren’t necessarily about each other. I find that my emotions will build up if I don’t talk about them. I’m a pretty emotional person (no, I don’t cry about everything) so I need to talk and let things out; otherwise, I’ll explode and take it out on Ham. That isn’t good for either of us. Especially because he didn’t do anything wrong and I’m not even mad/sad/upset at him.
4. Support each other’s passions/things they love. This probably sounds pretty obvious, like, “DUH, of course, I support my husband/wife!” This kinda goes deeper than you’d think. For example, Hamilton LOVES music and will get really excited to show me a certain song or genre. I typically don’t like a decent about of the music he shows me. He loves classical and 80’s and retrofuture music. I don’t like any of those..except classical on Sundays. So, he’ll play me a song and then ask me what I think, and I’m always honest “I don’t like it, can we change it please.” That kinda upsets him because it’s something he loves and is passionate about! It is so much better when I just say, “it wasn’t my favorite, but it wasn’t bad.”
5. Take a picture at every place you visit together! This is something I used to be really bad about. I am really good at taking pictures of the places we go, but not us at those places. I really regret that because there are some places we’ve been to and we don’t have a single picture of us there! I’ve gotten better, though!
I decided to ask Ham what he has learned too and this is what he said:
1. When your wife says she wants a cat, you get a cat.
2. When your wife says she wants a dog, don’t get a dog.
3. I learned what the word “hangry” means
There are probably so many more things that I just can’t think of haha! Does anyone else have a hard time coming up with a list of things when you’re actually trying to think about them? I definitely do haha! Anyways, I hope you had a good Sunday and have a good Monday tomorrow!